Define Love:
Love is respect is the theme for this week. We will talk about the key components to strengthening a healthy love life.
Define LOVE: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
-1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Before we can love someone else in a healthy way, we must learn to love ourselves.
How do you see yourself? Our perspective about ourselves determines the way we seek to love. We either embrace or deflect true love for ourselves depending on how we view ourselves. If we seek love in all the wrong places, then ask ourselves, “I am worthy of love?”
There are times we all face low self-esteem, but the key is don’t stay there. Self-esteem when weak can be strengthened. So how can we do this?
- Don’t hold on to the past negative experiences. AKA- forgiveness!
- Believe and treat everyone as equals, including yourself. (remain humble)
- Share your needs. (ouch this one is hard for me to do.)
- Hold your head up when you walk into a room.
- Find a positive perspective on a majority of your situations.
- Keep your boundaries in check and say no when needed.
- Embrace who you are: both strengths and weaknesses.
Building a strong foundation takes intentionality. It’s hard work, but your mind will thank you for it. God created you. He formed you and shaped you in your mother’s womb. There is no one like you. What God creates is beautiful! And you, my friend, are beautiful. Spend time with Him and He will help you see this about yourself. What is LOVE? Something we all need and were created to experience. The first step in embracing love is recognizing how much God loves you.
He loves you this much!
Do you know the four types of love?
Let’s talk about the realms of love. We identified what love is and realized our choices are made by how we view ourselves. C.S. Lewis identifies four different levels of love.
Four Types of Love:
- Affection (Storge) – empathy bond.
- Friendship (Philia) – friend bond.
- Romance (Eros) – romantic love.
- Unconditional (Agape) – unconditional “God” love
Affection allows us to bond over a common denominator. This is the chemistry jumpstart for the other three types of love. Cultivating our affections interlock our roots birthing the other types of love. We all should experience all four types of love.
If you find yourself weaker in one area find ways to strengthen your empathy bond in the love your missing. Be intentional! I’ve heard it said, “The grass is greener on the other side,” but my husband says “The grass is greener where you water it.” So where do we need to cultivate affection?
Challenge for today, choose the type of love you would like to strengthen and pour into affection in three different ways.
SOLID Foundation
How we define love and our view on self-esteem paves the way we search for love. A solid foundation can withstand fire, wind, and flood. The intense circumstance leaves a visible residue on the structure but the foundation remains unscathed. Love is our foundation. Love never fails. Love is solid because God is LOVE, true love.
Remember those four types of love? The last one mentioned was Agape Love. Unconditional love is what God offers to each of us. Maybe you’re in the center of a storm and with everything swirling your vision is impaired by the dirt and grime. But if you look up the sky is open and God’s glory shines through. Know just because you’re in the storm it doesn’t change who God is nor does it change who you are. God is good, he is love, and you sweet friend are blessed not by situations but by the presence of the One Who is with you. God is with you in your storm.
Agape love never fails. It doesn’t have limits and remains the same no matter the circumstance. If you need to embrace this kind of love, open to the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John) and read about the life of Jesus. God’s one and only Son. Find out the depth of God’s love for you. Today tap into the WORD. Chose to spend a minimum of 15 minutes with God today. If you take the challenge, I would love to know, what book you read?
Love is Not Violent!
We identified what love is. We see how our self-esteem impacts our search for love. Let’s unpack what love is not. Love is not violent! Unhealthy relationships experience violence in four ways: physical, emotional, sexual, and stalking. These actions are not ok!
According to the CDC, 1 of 11 women and 1 of 14 men in high school have experienced physical dating violence. The numbers increase for sexual assault while dating. As a mother of two teenage girls and an adult son, those numbers are terrifying. The sad thing is dating violence is rising. We need to talk about it. We need to educate our youth and educate ourselves.
What are the warning signs? What are the cycles to watch for? I teach a class exposing these unhealthy relationships assaults because our relationships should be safe. Our relationships should be an example of Christ and His bride. It’s a mutual agreement to honor and cherish one another.
If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship and your experiencing these cycles, please call the Dating Violence Hotline. You don’t have to continue down this road. There is help for you if you’re ready to take that step. The Hotline can help you make a plan and take the steps needed to be safe.
Love your neighbor as Yourself.
Do we love others the way we love ourselves? Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:30-31 (NIV)
I come up short if you look at how I treat others every day. There are moments I love others well. And then there are moments my actions shown don’t resemble love. There are days I am less patient with someone because I’m thinking about what I need to accomplish, and I miss out on hearing their heart. Or I’m in a hurry to get to my following location, but the car in front is not in the same rush, so I yell in my car, “Go!” Love is patient… guess I need to work on that.
Can you relate?
When I lack the ability to love others well, my self-esteem is off balance. When I treat someone lower than myself, my self-esteem is too high and needs to be brought down several levels. When I treat others as rockstars, my self-esteem needs to be examined again. We are all equal no one should be treated less or more than another. We are all human, we are all flawed, we are all capable of love, and we are all instructed to love.
So today, on this Valentines day, ask ourselves if…
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (NIV)
If this is love… do I love myself this way, so I’m able to love my neighbor as myself?
